A look into the mind of the abnormal
July 27, 1998

To Whom It May Concern:

I cordially invite you to take a walk into my overflowing brain…but I can guarantee, you don’t want to know what heavy load I am carrying on my shoulders.

I believe most of it is fear…I’m afraid, afraid of the darkness that encompasses me and my heart and soul. I’m afraid of you…your cool blue eyes that seem to see past my tough exterior and into my soul. I’m afraid of the songs on the radio of love and sex. I’m afraid of my heart…it falls in love so easily, then is broken just as quick.

I’ve been used. I feel so dirty, no amount of soap and water can wash off the dirt, it’s gone past blood and flesh; it’s gone into my inner soul.

All the harsh words, insults, dirty looks aimed in my direction are more hurtful and damaging than anything you could or would imagine. I take all those damaging words to heart, instead of letting them flow into on ear and out the other… I bottle all those words, looks, pain, sorrow, and grief, I bottle them up, with my bottle of frozen tears and let it set. Trying not to shake the bottle, for fear it will shake too much and burst. When it does explode, all those hateful words I’ve been storing will come out of my mouth, the pain down my face as well as all my tears I’ve choked back, frozen in time.

And for this, I have become jumpy, nervous, and edgy trying not to rattle my little bottle of fear. I am also afraid of telling you this…because you might run away, and feel the hate in your tender heart…

I plead with you not to feel remorse for me. I do believe the happiest and saddest times are when I think of leaving, running away; I’m leaving the bad names, and curses, but I’m also leaving a life time of friends…is this silly? Or am I thinking too much again?

Sincerely,



Me.